Saturday, December 29, 2012


Mix a dab of Kierkegaard, a sliver of Sartre, a pinch of Camus, a bit of Hollinger, and a dose of Chappelle, and what do you get? You get NBA RAW's: "Existentialist." Henry David Thoreau once said, "it is not what you look at, but what you see." And the truth is definitely stranger than fiction. Our new feature column  revolves around some of the surreal, sublime, and absurd goings-on in the NBA.

December 29, 2012

-With all due respect to the dilettantes in DC, is NY Knick swing-man Ronnie Brewer anything like the fiscal cliff? His play is outright frightening.

- New definition of "delusion": Monta Ellis comparing himself to D Wade. If I did not see this one myself, I would surely say it was a joke. Monta, Monta, wake up....please your scaring the kids.

-There are some inevitabilities in life: death, taxes, Rush Limbaugh will always say something very stupid, and billionaire Russian oligarch NBA owners, who overpay on tier-two talents, will fire their coaches after going 14 and 14.  Hey Prok, I guess those bold championship proclamations are as valid as say.... Patrick Ewing's guarantees?

- Doc J's afro: very cool, Andrew Bynum's afro: ridiculous. Kid's high-top fade: very cool. Iman Shumpert's high-top fade: ridiculous. Gentlemen note: style is not what looks good, style is what looks good on YOU. The fashion police have spoken.

-You have two rings, and beautiful girl, a few great kids, solid ad work with T-Mobile,do you really think it's time to become Bruce Bowen 2.0? Sure, D Wade the groin kick to Ramon Sessions wasn't really a kick? And pulling  Rajon Rondo down and dislocating his elbow, knocking Rip Hamilton out of bounds, and then breaking Kobe's nose in an all-star game are all aberrations, right? 

-Nikola Pekovic is NASTY in the paint. How many of you know last year on a per-minute basis, he was the NBA leader in points in the paint?

-Is it me or did pre-Kim, Kris Humphries use to be a fairly solid player?

-Coach Avery, time to become a bit less autocratic more flexible, less micro-managing on the play-calling, and realize you have won no rings. This is still a player's league and you have to modify your approach. Coach Rick Carlisle will give you a few tips on that.

-Yes, Steve Nash is still that guy. 

-Hey Deron, excuse me for being a tad bit forward, but aren't you supposed to be a franchise point guard?  PS Jerry Sloan says the feelings are not reciprocal.

-Iso-Joe............. hmm....................., guess Danny Ferry saw something.

-Oops, lets get off Brooklyn.

- Hey DeMarcus, talent gets you to the NBA, but the mental keeps you there. PS look up Roy Tarpley and Chris Washburn. Hint, that is where you are heading.

-Hey Coach Brooks, you may not have read the memo: the Thunder are much better at crunch time when you do NOT have Perkins, and Sefolosha on the floor at the same time. It has something to do with floor-spacing.

-Andre Drummond is REAL. 21.32 PER, 20.1 Rebound Rate, shooting 69 percent at the rim. He and Greg Monroe are going to be something to behold.

-The Clippers are coming out of the West. You heard it here.

-Shaq, my bad for calling you out a while back. Dwight Howard is NOT dominant. When healthy, D -12 is a game-changing defender, but he is not dominant. Can we be friends again Diesel? I'll pay for Shake Shack. Get it Shack, as in.... forget it.

-Hey, Barkley it's been a while since you said something dumb, you OK?

-Can someone ask Wizard GM Ernie Grunfeld, what exactly is his game plan?

-If I'm Utah, I say bye to Al Jefferson by the trading deadline.

-Phil Jackson in Brooklyn? Are those the same pundits who nailed the Romney -Ryan 2012 election win? This just in: "Phil Jackson says he will come to Brooklyn if Prokhorov's billions can buy a time machine and trade for a vintage MJ , Pippen, and Horace Grant. His last demand is call them the Brooklyn Bulls. Nah, I'm only kidding. Phil said "hell nyet."

-Hey Coach Woodson, at what point do you consider giving Chris Copeland -with a 20.3 PER- some more shine at the 3 instead of........ say perhaps, Ronnie Brewer?

-Last time I checked, David Lee is averaging 19.9 points with 11 boards on nearly 54 percent shooting. The Warriors are  also 21-10 with no Andrew Bogut.... It's official , D-Lee is legit.

-Happy New Year, hoops fans. See you in 2013.

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